Here goes my First Short Story .
The Deranged.
Someone asked us to define friendship.
Peple came up with peoems and quotes.
I dint think twice.I had the shortest definition for friendship.
Adi.
Totally dedicated to you dude!!
p.s: forgive me for the long path i am taking you through. I promise to figure out an easier way.
p.s.1 :It might be a little long. Please bear with it.
p.s2 :I thank the net for all the help :-) :-)
Sunday, June 17, 2007
THE DERANGED
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21 comments:
What can I say… I am out of words here nivi… The world’s best blogger and the world’s best author dedicates THE BEST post to me.. (all the other posts were really awesome ,great, super.. but its just that your fanclub, for which I would like to be the chairperson sometime, is just not able to decide which one is the best.. you are bettering the bestest of best everytime). This post was FANTABULOUS and you have become the BEST BLOGGER/AUTHOUR in the cyber world. Do get these on prints sometime man. It will top the charts.. and I really mean it. If you think I am exaggerating.. please ask your other fans too. We all bow to this A.W.E.S.O.M.E post..
Nivi .. The bestest of best part about the story was the way you started by making the accused accept the murder. That was like wow.. what a beginning… It just made me go on and on about it. The whole plot was handled with so much of perfection and precision that trust me noone would ever EVER believe that this is your first short story. Wooow.. too good da.
You just kept arousing the interest of every person reading the story from page from the starting especially when you said that the defense counsel was smiling at himself as the prosecution was winning the case for him and what aroused oru interest further was when you said that Rita knew she was missing something when she saw leslie’s eyes… this is one helluva gripping story. I will put it this way .. you took all the readers to the court and it was like you know we were the audience there. With every motion and emotion finely scripted from Adams buttoning up his tucks and then the sudden glance he gives at Rita’s beautiful eyes and wondering that he should have asked her out. The best obviously was Boys will be boys and then the way Adams was looking at the jury members to ensure his words were having the desired effect. W.O.W!!!
By the way you seem to have put in a lot of research for this story eh?.. With the M” naughten rule , Temporary insanity symptoms, impuse test ( with year!) it was like watching a movie and everthing was so professionally handled. I simply adored the way Adams explained and proved the M’naughten rule and the way he cross questioned Dr. Smith. Themasterpiece was the closing address given by Adams.. I have not seen better ones even in the best holly wood movie. Adams description of Fathers role that was really well put… really took us down the memory lane
Hey WHAT AN AWESOME TWIST!! Never expected something like this yaar. It was all preplanned , the way leslie says it to her mom… and adams notice of her voice… and the description of how Adams felt like crap especially with this statement “It was a pity he could not see his own face, He
was sure he had the same expression too. Only that it was with himself”
was sooooooo amazingly written .
Actually I think there is a question here for the readers… Do you think what leslie did was right… I would personally say YES. She was totally right.
Lady you have made such an awesome, brilliant script that I would advice you to reserve copyrights for the same lest some hollywood guy is gonna copy it in his movie :-). Whats say fans?..
P.S: I finally finally manage to be the first to comment:-)
P.S 2: I loved your P. S too
P.S 3: Nivi and Fans really sorry for the looooooong comments. But I think such a great post deserves it :-)
@ adi
Ahem best blogger??? fans?? Dude lets not get carried away ;-)
Thanks a ton!!! am super glad u liked it.hehe and finally u managed to be the first to comment !!!
And hey you logic was pretty good, the girl taking on the girl.. super man :-)
first of all it was completely unexpected....then after reading i wasnt sure if u really wrote this....there is a marked diff in ur writing style and the use of english names like "leslie" gave it a totally diff feel..the law stuff dint surprise me but it was the amount of hardwork and research u put in....this is a fingerprint characteristic of titans like grisham and im quite proud that ur treading in that path....
im sure u will consider some more serious writing :-)....guys really appreciate characters like RITA :P...
Perfectly on the edge.
It was an amazing thriller.
Gal...U have done some awesome research. And yes....ur patience has paid off.
So when are U releasing a book?????/
Awesome awesome research work first of all. The court proceedings were really really accurate. Great work madam. I want to see a book now :)
A silent spring up the hills..water trickles down.. drop by drop..thru the crevices.. takes its own route but never loses its charm.. and way below u c it transforms into a huge river where ppl do rafting!!!..
the above i consider as analogous to ur progress at writing my dear lady!! and i, ur audience am rafting thru the intertwined network of words that have given me all the thrills and joys of the powerful river!!
thats the overall effect of ur story on me.. coming to details.. I wud say u have used a fair choice of words throughout.. u portrayed mr.adams very well.. u should've done that for ms.rita too.. it would've added a balance to ur "portrayal of ur characters"!!- that is something worth a spl mention.. u never gave us a para on each of them.. it was very well concocted in the flow of the story!! And without the research on the law stuff, def ur story would have missed the practical appeal.. cuddos!! u caught it at the rite moment!!
I guess this time u allowed us to feel in the middle that may be mr.adam was wrong unlike ur super cool twists in ur earlier blogs!!
ur timing is another feather on ur cap which makes the audience imagine the story without any confusions watsoever!! U have given all sense of perfection to ur story!!.. U will grow to be an extremely good writer!! continue the grt job..
good one di nivi :)
wow super,fantastic,fabulous!!! i jus cannot think of words to describe this post...
Truly ur best so far...as good as a Henry cecil or john grisham.Start writing books dude!!! u ll give the others a run for their money...
The twist was great too...i jus couldnt believe it at the end!
Too good a read...:-)one of the best blogs i have EVER read!
Fabulous,Awesome,fantastic and the best of all ur posts niv!!I am out of words to praise u!! U r gettin better n better in every post but shud say each is best in its own way :-)
Could find tat lot of research had gone in bfore u started off:) Neatly scripted and very professional writin:) Felt like readin a Grisham novel!!..U r in makin of a gr8 novelist!! Kudos!!!
more of my comments to follow in few minutes :-))
ah.. did u not tell me u had written this story i wud have most probably guessed it was an unpublished piece of jeffery archer lying around amongst the mamoth collection in web!
Too good and very happy u have taken all ur fans and their thalaivans (:P) advice to try ur hand in the short stories.. the entire 11 pages were jus so engrossin .. that not even a moment did i really feel bored...the effect was something wat they say "Cannot put it down" for novels... If its Nivi and if it is a short story... i kno ther is gonna b some twist.. but again thru expert narration u jus kep me guessin till the last moment. even i felt the earth beneath me shake a lil ..not jus adams ;) ... a thrillin suspense builder built in the right env that jus put the readers on a spell.. not enuf words to describe the exp i went thru while readin this 1... even i was once a short story writer ..back in first yr of coll... had it written in my dairy .. buthten did not find a forum expression like blogs and feeds so pooular... This is an excellent medium of expression and u r makin a great use of it...
Pirkalathule Best seller award ehtavthu vaangina ..antha function ku ellam ennai koopidu ;) Cheers.. keep more coming!!
Continuing...:-)
The story was very engrossin throughout and d proceedings in d court aroused d interest further more..And wow d twist towards d end was gr8!!! There's not even a single instance where it got sluggish or went wayward!!! Its been a long time since I had read dese court-based stuff but ur post satisfied it..luved sarcasms in d middle too.. like
"I am sorry what? So asking a question is badgering now, what am I supposed to
do talk to her in sign language? “retorted Adams."
Dude,take an initiative for writin a novel!! i am sure u ll give others a run for der money money!!:)And i m sure u wud ve been a gr8 lawyer if u had chosen dis profession..:-))Keep dese stories comin!!!
From my childhood days, as a sporadic reader…... i have always felt tat..even a guy who s not much of a “BOOK PERSON” will get engrossed in a book and sit with it for hours together if he gets himself INVOLVED n d story. From mai point of view, I always judge the writer's prowess with the style n d language, d words used, d names of the characters ;-)))) the manner n which the story gets structured and above all, whether I live as any one of the character n d story (usually d narrator). In the case of “THE DERANGED” , it was like… I was jus behind d camera shooting on & off the court room. ;-)
So that really said something abt what I think of ur short storyyyyyy … it doenst look like ur 1st short story …. It really doesn’t…. n hey gal…. Frankly speaking…. The transition u have shown from ur very 1st post “Dare to Dream” till “Deranged” ,,, I just have one word abt d evolution of the writer.,,,, AWESOME ….
Alright,,, DeRanGed ..read it around 2 o clok n d night and I got myself deranged after reading d story ;-))) Initially ,, the character names which u have used were quite difficult to sink in… (wonder why Indian names are never used even when short stories are written by us (( (I know tat it wud be odd with Indian names in d US law system… but still …. I jus wonder about it.,, guess tis insanity s jus for the commonwealth nations and n US ) the story was undoubtedly enthralling ,,,, kept me on d edge of d seat throughout the 11 pages …… it really DID
As all ur other fans have quoted…. Soo much of homework had been done before plotting the whole story ….. hats off buddy … never knew tat ther s a loophole like tis in the law system .. I shud really appreciate u for throwing up some light on the “Not Guilty Reason of Insanity” . Really kewl tat u did some research before plotting the story .. d 1st thing tat I did after reading d story was get some more info abt tis temporary insanity …. …… jus check tis url (u might have seen it b4)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insanity_defense
Loved tat Rita part ;-))) ….. u cud have added a Sheldon’s touch to ur writing ;-) …some striking and eye catching lines abt her cud have added some more spice ;-)))) wud hav been more pleasant for readers like me ;-))) And am sure ur fan count wud have jus tripled after tat . Anyway I hope tat u give the readers tat sorta touch in ur next RoMaNtiC PoSt.
So many new things..,, wich u have shown up n d story … "The policeman at the elbow" test , d total insanity stuff,,d naughten rule…. Pheww… u hav all d qualifications to become shankar’s assistant buddy ;-)
I jus loved the finishing touch niviiii,,, loved it sooo much,,,, I felt really pity for Mr.Adams….. he is jus left sooo helpless @ d end… d panache of those finishing lines “I hereby ask you to punish Ms. Stewart for this heinous , preplanned cold blooded murder" and thought how did she know it !!!” this line was sooooooooo good …. I loved it …. All in all , a gr8 GriPpInG short story mate !!!
p.s With d way things are going, am sure u will release a book in d future and i hope that u will invite me atleast for this release of urs ;-( (no offense intended) I will kill u if u don’t, and btw I assure you that I will market to get ur copies sold in HUGEEEEE numbers.
And am expecting a Thanx -> followed by a smiley and a DOG -> followed by 2 smileys after u read the comments ;-)
OK Nivi.. i just have to comment again.. and this comment is actually a reply to your comment.. athu eppadi eppadi fans? athukku apparom question marks vera.. then " not get carried away".. just take a look at the comments column da..Your fans speak for themselves.. I agree with everyone here.. again a simply marvellous short story...amazingly written.. awsomely woven into a nice story.. You should have been a lawyer man.. and thats the request from all your fans too..:).. and hey like you said its not too late even now.. :)..
I am just thinking Defense Lawyer " Nivethitha Kumar".. sounds good .. REALLY..What say fans?..
hiiii . . . !!
i don kno you . . .
but as soon as i read this post , i said to myself , "i wish i was adi" :-)
i do have friends .. lots in number .. and wen i read this post, i thought if i cud say this to some one .. ! :-)
U ROCK ! :-)
KEEP IT GOIN .. !!
(im sorry if i had said somethin wrong)
luvya ..
regards ..
shruti! :-)
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