DARE TO DREAM!!!

Migrated

2008-01-09T22:52:00.001+05:30

I have migrated my blog to wordpress and imported all my previous posts to there too.
So please visit me at

http://www.nivispace.com/

Thanks :)

Never GoodBye

2008-01-04T01:23:00.000+05:30

How the words escaped
the teeming mind
How the world seemed
to stop short in its
never ending journey
round and round

All because of
the qualms of parting
Fears looming large
Of deprivation
Of love, Of amity
Of solitude

Little does the
heart know that
Goodbye is a mirage
that ebbs away
leaving behind
The indelible,
The ever cherished,
The omnipresent,
Memories.

P.S.1 : Dedicated to Srivi :-)
Best Friends Forever.
Wherever you go
Together we shall stay
In our heart
In our Dreams

P.S.2 :My first attempt at poetry. Please forgive thee for any mistakes

The Journey

2007-12-13T07:35:00.000+05:30

Maybe the end is not what we think it is, maybe its just a point from which we choose a different path,
a new path ,
a better path.

The rambling is at The Journey

P.S : Back after a long hiatus.Feels great to be back!!!

Tied Up,Again

2007-10-27T13:50:00.000+05:30

Tagged!! Here goes...

“Here’s The Challenge: Make a list of five strengths that you possess as a writer/artist. It’s not really bragging, it’s an honest assessment (forced upon you by this darn meme). Please resist the urge to enumerate your weaknesses, or even mention them in contrast to each strong point you list. Tag four other writers or artists whom you’d like to see share their strengths.”

First : I am not going to categorize my strengths as a writer. Feels like writing an exam!!
Second :Well since I am not going to categorize it there is not really a second or third. I just did that out of habit :)

At the risk of sounding cliched, I always enjoyed writing. As a kid I used to have this diary filled with stories which never got finished and poems which always had to rhyme and hence the last words in all the lines would not always make sense. It was fun. But then comes the pressure of education not to mention the over hyped "Peer pressure" that makes you join the rat race and jump in to the bandwagon beginning to run, not knowing why, not knowing the destination andthe worst of all not knowing if you really want to run!

I do not think I want to run. But am I doing it? Yes, I am. Do I know why I am running? No I don't. I need an escape route. I need something that makes me feel that there is something more to life than just the meaningless running which I cannot stop for some reason. Well not that I do not know the reason . Lets just say I am scared to stop running and do what I want to do. And that is because I simply have no idea what I really want to do.Muddled yeah!

Writing helps me bring to paper my thoughts on everything. It gives me an individuality. It makes me stand out in a crowd. I am able to weave stories ( I would not really call them stories) lets just call them splice of life incidents out of the things I see around me.It helps me relate what I see around me and tie that to one of my thought processes.And I find that exciting.It thrills me to do something creative or atleast attempt something creative.

If you guys are thinking that the tag and what I have been saying here have as much connection as an auto and a meter in chennai, well then Kudos! I have digressed way too much only because I really dont know what my strengths are. I just found a way to translate what I see and more importantly what I feel in to sets of incidents which almost everyone goes through in their everyday life but seldom give a second thought. I try to bring about the importance of devouring and savoring certain teeny tiny moments that get lost in translation in the fast paced ever running race , LIFE.

I am tagging
Rahul,Harish,Adithya (Nah! I do know math, just decided three will do)

Poles Apart???

2007-10-20T22:31:00.000+05:30

"So what's your favorite chocolate? I love the five star"

"I think its the worst chocolate anyone could ever come up with. Nothing to beat fruit and nut"

"Oh that doll is just so cute, don't you think so?"

"Its a stuffed toy, What is so cute about it, Its just a pillow with weird faces on it and which is ten times as costly as one."

"I love this film, its so cute, what say you?"

"You know what, there are certain things I don't think I will ever get, There is absolutely no logic in this film. There is a guy, a girl, 2 more guys, 1 more girl and they have this ever confusing, tumultuous, twisty turvy love story,where in the end no one even remembers who they fell in love with, and here you are pouring your eyes out for a bunch of losers"

"Coffee"

"Tea"

"Shopping"

"Cricket"

"Can we go for a walk?"

"Can I watch the TV?"

"Ever wondered who would best exemplify stark contrasts?"

"wonder,Ha ha I know it, Its you and me!!"

"How do you think we will work out! We seem to be poles apart!"

"Apart?.That's the last thing I would consider us to be. Yes we are the different poles but there is no way we are apart.Who says people with same preferences should be together. It's the person that counts. It's how good I feel in your presence or rather how crappy I feel in your absence. What's the fun if you and I agree on everything. Where would the variety come from ? What will we do agreeing on every single thing ? where would our conversations go ? How will we argue? How will we fight? How will we make up after those fights?

The differences is what makes it exciting. Its the person that you are that I am in love with. The person who loves five star, the one who thinks stuffed toys are the best thing ever invented by man after the wheel, the one who loves insensible tiny little things , torch bearer of mushy romantic films which if I may add no guy will ever do,hates logic in any and everything,cannot figure left from right,gets lost at every given opportunity, has a thought process that is diametrically opposite to mine, that is the person I am in love with.Do you know why?

Because of all the differences. THese make you the person that you are. I would never want to change anything about you.Cause then you would not be the person I fell crazy in love with. I treasure the differences.It's defines the person I am in love with.

(Her smile lit up the house) "chalk and cheese then, right?"

"Yup, And I cant get enough of the cheese, you know!!"

(pushing him away)"You know there is a great shah rukh movie going on..."

"oh no...."

...............

p.s : Though I think its painfully evident which the guy is and which the girl is.Just in case it alternates between guy and the girl,starting with the girl.

Lost and Found

2007-09-30T03:48:00.000+05:30

It was a stark contrast. She then understood what a world of difference meant. There she was looking up straining her head as much as she could, not minding the way her neck kept hurting her. Any pain was worth this sight. What baffled her most was the difference between them, and they way they both influenced her thought process. How your thoughts change with the scenes you see, the things you hear. How evanescent are they? And if your thoughts describe you, how evanescent are you?

On one side of the big dark blanket were the dazzlers. The new born ones created by man to provide for his needs and of course enhance the beauty of the place. To give it the due credit, she did think it was an amazing effort and it impressed her. Whoever said manmade spectacles aren’t worth watching! This one was. She dint really know if it would qualify as a spectacle but then she had long stopped adhering to definitions. Who made them anyways? The city was lit up, full of neon lights and various other luminous stuff. And there she was catching a glimpse of the entire city. This was what perspective was. When you are in your own tiny little apartment, you seem to be the center of everything, but when you are out having a view of your city, you are lost. Where was she? And why was she lost somewhere in the great glowing city?

Why were there always so many questions? Why did they pound her all the time? And who really is she satisfying by answering those? There’s never an end is there? It’s like a question after a question. Her mind was like a quiz master on fire. Only this one had no answers. And why did that scare her?

She just turned around and looked at the sky. Nothing could actually describe the sight. The expression a star studded sky would simply not do justice to the sight. It was a black ocean with sparklers floating all over it. She couldn’t figure out a start and an end. It seemed eternal. It was then she had all her questions flowing back to her. Having a zillion questions in her mind was never really an issue for her. Somehow this time she wasn’t scared of them. Bring it on she thought.

The big black sky did not make her feel lost, did not make her fell tiny. Isn’t that what most people say when they look at the sky at the night? She had no clue why they said that. There were hundreds of stars in the sky and not one of them was lost in the river of darkness. Every one of them made a presence. She couldn’t take her eyes of them . She kept looking at the twinkling ones at all directions. She tried figuring out which ones constitute constellations. She tried figuring out which ones weren’t twinkling. Every one of them stood out, very elegantly making a presence.

Turning down she looked at the city again. Was she really lost? Nah, she was sure she wasn’t, for she was not meant to be lost, neither is anyone else. That’s what the universe conspires to. The city which was really a teeny tiny speck in the universe made her feel lost, when the interminable sky helped her discover her presence. What a world of a difference?

Was she really lost? She dint think so. Did the one tiny little star at the far end of the sky twinkling away to glory get lost?

I want an Elevator!!!

2007-08-31T09:36:00.000+05:30

Ever wondered why everything in life is got to be a struggle. I mean are there people for whom everything is a breeze ? If so have you wondered in which planet these people live in and why we are never one of them. I mean it would not kill us to have things done real easy once in a while , don't you think ? Should everything be a fight ensued by jitters wondering what the outcome is going to be, if we are going to succeed in whatever our attempt maybe.Should every step we take on any front be necessarily an anxiety-causing one? Should the devil who whispers constantly in our ears "You might fail you know" with an exceedingly satisfied and smug look on his face always travel with us?

Why should they be steps in the first place? why cant we have elevators that just carry us to where we want?

So Steps or Elevators guys???????

Of Glasses and Goodbyes

2007-08-08T10:33:00.000+05:30

PLOP!

There goes the specs. Oh no not again!! how many times will this happen to me.How many times will my specs break. Why did my brother had to hug me this hard. I have heard of bear hugs, but if there was anything called mammoth hugs that ought to be this guy's hugs. So hard that my specs are now broken.Now i need to go the specs repair shop again for like the zillionth time and hear him lecture "Madam, you caanooot break your glasses again and again madam, you should be careful when you use them madam" and then making a wise crack "what do you do madam, sit on the glasses a ? "amam da i have no other way of amusement that i sit on my glasses and break them only to come and see your handsome face and flirt with you" I had to go trough the whole ordeal again.

So since i have established clearly that i am pissed about my glasses being broken I took the opportunity to lash out on my brother "Look what you have done now? seriously da, cha" and just went away. If he was hurt he sure dint show it.Well my brother i am sure doesnt get hurt.His prompt reply was "Get over it sis".

There I was , in my relatives place, saying goodbye to them all, after all you don't always go abroad for studying, you want to see everyone, don a great smile, wave a huge goodbye, hear loads of free advice, so much that if you started selling them you would become a millionaire in no time!

But then there is this feeling that you cant help but feel.The one that you have almost never experienced or taken another split second to think about.That how much you actually love them all, and how much they actually mean to you. you almost feel like hitting yourself with the oldest shoe lying around there possible for not realizing these things earlier.But then of course your better sense prevails, of course it does you don't want to beat yourself with an old shoe do you?? and it gives you the famous "better late than never speech". True though.

Every minute I spent with them, I devoured it. I wanted every moment recorded in my memory so that I could play it over and over again. What do we all complain so much about all the time? I just met my family, my huge big family who i have realized after donkeys years love me so much.Its implicit that your family loves you, maybe thats why you don't think about it often. But when certain incidents do happen, it all comes to you like a sudden downpour in chennai.

It was time to go again. I was in the airport going back home to fly away saying goodbye to all my family and there my brother was coming all the way to hug me with a huge grin in his face. I let him give me his customary bear hug.

PLOP!!!! Again, and this time it was my spare glasses.

"Okay I am really sorry sis" went on my brother.
"Not at all, i ll be glad to break a hundred of them for the hug man" i said smiling and i really meant it cause i could feel my smile reach my eyes .

So long

2007-07-26T13:18:00.000+05:30

What are the ten hardest things I have ever had to do?

Letting go.

That's it. Its letting go all the other 9 times as well. I am bidding adieu to chennai.THe place i hvae lived and loved all these years.No matter how far I am, no matter how happy i am, This is the place i will feel complete for this is home.

The hardest thing about goodbye is you know its something you just gotta do. Howmuch ever you convince yourself that the day will just never come and that you will be frozen in a time capsule, the day does dawn. You need to go on. You need to move on.

I am not saying goodbye in the real sense of the word casue i am not going anywhere. I am always going to be living here. I am leaving the most precious part of me here. Other's memories of me. And I am taking the most precious part of me there. My memories of everybody and everything.

Tied up !

2007-07-18T17:07:00.000+05:30

Been tagged by Anu. Well its my first tag and as silly as it might sound i am kinda excited ;-)

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it?
Scar,will the lightening scar on my forehead count ;)
Na i dont have any scars. I dont fall much , and even if i do, like someone once said, there are always people to catch me ;-)

2. What does your phone look like?
Its Nokia N-72.Like all my other phones it was gifted too. Yeah yeah i know, stop saying unfair ;-)

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Nothing really, a pretty boring bedroom i have. Justthe mirror of my dressing table.Sigh! I am growing up

4. What is your current desktop picture?

Simply love this snap. Me and my bro.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
I believe in marriage. And Y not. Its each one's prerogative.

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
What i dont want.

7. What time were you born?
8:22 in the morning, on a saturday :)

8. Are your parents still together?
Yup

9. Last person who made you cry?
J.K . Rowling and i have a premonition that she is going to again!!!

10. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?
Nope i dont really use them much. But if its a fragrance then I must say mann vasanai. Nothing like it. nothing like it at all.

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Black, Black and only black

12. What are you listening to?
Manathil uruthi vendum

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Yes, I do. I dont think i ever got out of it.But its not as scary as a cockroach though!

14. Do you like pain killers?
Duh!! No i dont.

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Nah! I dont think I am.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Choco Walnut Brownie :) Absolute bliss

17. Who was the last person you made mad?
I have really stopped keeping count. Btw how much is a zillion?

18. Is anyone in love with you?
Can i not answer the question on the count of asking for the obvious ;-)
Is it even possible? ( well yeah sometimes i can be full of myself)

Me tagging bka (karthil B)!!

Clash of the Titans

2007-07-16T17:03:00.000+05:30

How conflicting is most conflicting ?

Find it out at
Clash of the Titans

BEWITCHED

2007-07-11T23:56:00.000+05:30

"And this to you is not beautiful", said Asha pointing at the picture and looking at Aakash .

"Well I mean its a building at the end of a day, and if I can be a little more crude, its a tomb for god's sake", said aakash shrugging his shoulders.

"So , that's it , its just a tomb , nothing more, you are so emotion impaired! ,seriously." Asha looked up and as though speaking to god "This is what I have married, really?" she turned back to Aakash "Well you know what, I think its beautiful, godly. It mesmerizes me, It makes me believe that love can indeed be eternal.And I am sorry you don't feel that way"

"Well okay , so what , i mean what is really the big deal,Its white, its huge and its symbolizes a man crying out loud rather screaming out loud to the rest of the world about his love for his wife.I find it almost choking. I mean whats wrong with just a flower, why should the whole world know how much I love you" retorted Aakash.

"Oh yeah, here comes the logic and the thoughts. Why cant you just let go of yourself sometimes and just let you heart fill you with emotions. Why do question every emotion, every feeling that you have? Okay ,yeah the guy screams out loud but so what , that's his way. Whats so wrong about that anyways?"

"Well lets just say the way i look at it why would he want to quantify his feelings that way. Its like hey i love you so much and i will show it by building a great big tomb. Why does anything so material appeal to you people so much. I mean why does a huge solitaire ring mean "i love you more" than a gold ring. Is it not the emotion behind it that counts ?"

"Wait a minute, did you say emotion. Oh my god, so you do know the existence of the word" replied Asha with that sly smile that she generally has when she is trying to avoid a fight by introducing a little sarcasm and making the entire situation a little less tense.

"Very funny Asha, where is my answer by the way, come on don't shy away , accept it, you guys are materialistic" said Aakash smiling "And you expect all your hubbies to be Shah Jahan well FYI, A, we don't have that kind of money and B come on woman if i had so much you think i will waste it on a tomb!!!!"

"Ahh , there are certain things which we will never agree on.And please save your women-are-materialistic-speech. Cause if we were we would all be waiting for the tatas and birlas to get married.And FYI ever heard of women taking dowry to get married, look who's talking about materialism. " continued Asha

"Sir this is the place, from here on the car is not allowed, you need to walk " the driver said halting the car and hence cutting short their argument.

"Oh all right then, we will get down here, we should be back in an hour " said Aakash to the driver.

"Or, two" said Asha immediately.

They walked in silence.They were not fighting , it was just a difference of thought and they had thousands such. They were just mulling over what each of them had said.The 5 minute path had finally led them to entrance of the TAJ.

The moment they had the first glimpse of it, they froze, both of them did. Time seemed to have frozen. The world around them had stopped. They were just there , fastened to the ground below them, prevented from moving by a beauty so captivating that words escaped them both.

Tomb or no tomb it exuberated a beauty so pure and so innocent that Aakash was spellbound.Asha was right, it did symbolize eternity,it did symbolize purity. It was a tomb but then it evoked such positive and a happy feeling in him. How ironical was that? He felt as though all his senses were temporarily disabled.The only thing he realized was how much he treasured Asha and what they had.

At the same moment Asha realised what Aakash had said all along, it was not the monument that brought out all those emotions in her, but it was the thought, it was the thought of a man to build something as beautiful and as timeless as this one. Aakash was right ,a rose would have been just fine too . Because it would then be a rose from him,Aakash, not just a rose.What they had did not need a quantification. It need not be expressed out loud. She just knew it and that was enough. Enough for an entire eternity.

After 3 hours of just staring at TAJ ,Asha and Aakash were sitting at one of the benches overlooking TAJ and were just looking at it in silence. The silence really brought them closer.It whispered the importance of what they had to one another.

""And this to you is not beautiful" said Asha looking at AAkash.

"WEll u know , its like..." began Aakash

"Oh , forget it ...I am sorry i asked" said Asha sounding a little worn down.

"It is beautiful, but it does not stand a chance before YOU " said Aakash stroking her face and moving the single strand of hair that fell over her cheek.

"So where is my TAJ then jahapanah",asked Asha with a smile that made him go bonkers.

"Correction dear, You are my TAJ"

P.S :On the TAJ MAHAL being chosen as one of the new seven wonders. No picture can make justice to to TAJ. Its a sight to cherish. My first few moments were just spent being spell bound.

AWAKENING

2007-06-26T17:24:00.000+05:30

It's not about winning.

It's about never ever giving up.

Because then you emerge a winner!

The story is AWAKENING

Yours !(Forever)

2007-06-20T13:48:00.000+05:30

All Good Things Come To An End.

Well the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear this is "Why the hell should it?"
I mean really what is the logic behind it. Its certainly not something anyone is going to appreciate. Who would want to let go of anything that's even remotely good when the chances of anything good happening is almost always zilch. And what really comes out of it , the good thing that comes to an end ? Nothing really. It just makes you feel down in the dumps and takes you ages to get back to normal and again you have bouts of bad times. So really whats so good about good things not lasting long ?

Maybe its because then you really appreciate the good things that happen to you later on. Well you know the getting perspective thing.Well I thought about it and then decided well that's crap.Why would we want to lose something good to realise that it is good ? Well I am missing the point there.And also assume we appreciate the goodness later on, so then what ?Are those same good things going to zoom back in to our lives patting us on the head and saying "Oh baby finally you realised i was good" ? Not really right. So really what is the point?

The other school of thought is of course the "you are destined for better things". Well obviously anyone who has a brain the size a little larger than pea will know that this is a statement fabricated for the sole purpose of making you feel better about whatever that went wrong. And really every time they say that, the little devil in you pokes fun at you saying "Deserve better things, my sweet bottom, you could not even nail this " and as you guessed it right, it makes you a feel a tad lower.

But I think personally I will take the "deserve better " thoery simply because it would give me the eternal elixir of hope and will help me out of my bed every morning.It would enable me to look down upon everything that did not happen to me and well give a stifled laugh thinking "Laugh all you can.. better things are happening to me". That's really a boost ain't it?

So ideally, if the world I am living in is anything like utopia then I would never want the good things to come to an end. But shockingly as the world we live in is not even remotely related to utopia, like not even great grand father's niece's husbands' uncle's really hot cousin, I prefer to think that I am destined for a better things , a better life.

So the motto is Good things move aside, Grand things are on their way :-)

THE DERANGED

2007-06-17T19:17:00.000+05:30

Here goes my First Short Story .

The Deranged.

Someone asked us to define friendship.
Peple came up with peoems and quotes.
I dint think twice.I had the shortest definition for friendship.
Adi.

Totally dedicated to you dude!!

p.s: forgive me for the long path i am taking you through. I promise to figure out an easier way.
p.s.1 :It might be a little long. Please bear with it.
p.s2 :I thank the net for all the help :-) :-)

Shivaji Weightaaaa!!!

2007-06-15T22:25:00.000+05:30

Finally.. Caught thalaivar in action on the First day... Janma sabalyam anna madhiri oru feeling... :)
So here goes my review of SHIVAJI - THE BOSS

Disclaimer : If you are looking for an unbiased,critical review of the film where in you expect the reviewer to say both the positive and negative things about the film.. ahem .. err... this is really not the place u know. I am a die hard rajini fan and this catered to my need. It was an all in all rajini film.And i Loved it baby!!!

The film is a treat to our eyes. The first thing that hit me about the film was the cinematography(apart from thalaivar though) .What clarity?What colors? Awesome. Apparently it the first film in India to have used a new technology 4 K resolution which provides higher precision. It shows . It shows. K.V. Anand. Your best ever.

If u wondered why this film is the most expensive ever you will get your answers in the first few minutes. It is the songs. Shankar has spent lavishly on every song and the effects are mind boggling. It makes you sit up and take notice. If you thought andakka kondakkari was creative then the songs in this movie will make u redefine creative. Ballellakka is a visual treat with the picturesque locations captivating you.And also nayanthara !!! Guys watch out ;-) . Wah ji Wah ji spell bounds you, What lavish sets , What clothes,Manish malhotra has done an awesome job throughout the film . Oru koodai is fun to watch,well though i thought it was a littel bit over done. But hey its thalaivar,anything is fine ;-) ;-)Sahana again is a masterpiece. The sets , the glasshouses ,The clothes , the everything, oh my god. Easily the best picturization i have ever seen. They mean it when they say they saved the last for the best. Adhiradikaran ,people is THE BEST rajini song ever. You cant resist an encore for that song. Wow. Now that's a rajini song

The movie has a tight screenplay , a little overdone at places but everything accepted only because of thalaivar, he is our super hero so we can just overlook the small irkings.The script is shankar's 10 year old baby, well i meant Indian. Pretty much the same with a lot of changes done for rajini and boy is it awesome!!!At many scenes shakar marks his stamp. You realise hey that's a shankar touch. Yes he has not let himself to get lost in the rajini mania. Quite a feat i must say.Though these touches are few and far in between.

Comedy is the film's forte really. Vivek delivers a great job. Quite refreshing actually sometimes. And quite inevitably he brings in his obscene jokes in too. Could have avoided those. But rajini yet again proves that he rocks in comedy , his comic timing is impeccable , even when he delivers serious lines to his nemesis he makes it funny!! vazhga thalaiva .Shriya has a pretty important role not a blink-and-u-will-miss-me role. And she does what she is supposed to do, Look pretty,petite and super hot in songs. Guys another reason to catch it ;-)

And moving on to the one, the only ,rajinikanth, Right from his superstar logo on screen everything about him in the film is different.Excellent make up, so good that there are so many close up shots which do not irk u the least and you go like "wow , talk about make overs". And he is super fit man ,in fact vivek who is more than a decade younger to him has a lot of flab he has to get rid off.His clothes are designer wear, he does his glass flipping style ever so beautifully.AS rightly pointed out by vivek he doesnt use too many punch dialogues, The few that he does use are out of the world!!! You have to watch it to believe it .Its time tested formula for rajini and the greatest thing about it is it is not tiring.Its a rajini film all the way and there s a lot of rajini for his thirsty fans out there.

So if u guys are looking for an out and out entertainer, songs ,dances,action, comedy in short if u are looking for a good old rajini film, get a ticket and watch shivaji!!!!!!!!!!

Shadows of Bliss

2007-06-12T00:34:00.000+05:30

She wondered why this was considered so evil. The darkness that surrounded her did not by any means seem scary or wicked to her.Why was everyone afraid then ? She loved it. She seemed to be moving along with it rather she preferred to call it floating. There was something about the darkness that made her feel safe. She wondered, did not our ancestors live in darkness during the longer part of the day. Were they all scared? What made us feel so scared? Is it because we cannot see what lies beyond the darkness? Yes she decided, its the fear of the unknown that scares us.

She paced through the house in darkness with nothing but her intuitions telling her which direction to take and not hit the walls. She did not even have the mobile phone to give her the necessary light. The charge had worn out. So much for technology , these things always back out on you when you need them most.She swore under her breath.She found the candles and the candle stand that he had gifted her. She tried to remember the day when he gave it to her. It was such an adorable candle stand.She never had the heart to use them. The very thought of the day brought a smile to her face.

Darkness always had a way with emotions. It made you think of all the melancholy phases you have been through. It makes you reflect on you past, ponder over your present and build air castles of your future.You have so many thoughts racing in your mind that you are quite confounded thinking you could actually have so many !! Had there been power these thoughts would have escaped you as easily as the bug that escapes your testing..You would then be most probably watching the 250th time repeat of the same news that day in NDTV or a soap opera in which the director went mad because there were no more people in the world left for these people to get married to and then get divorced .

She lit the candle successfully after waging a war with the match box and the match sticks. He looked at her from the other side of the candle and looked at her face in the candle light. Her features seemed ever so beautiful. The darkness seemed to have accentuated her beauty. He told her "Its not fair that you look so beautiful". She just smiled. " Now I don't think we need any power at all. That smile of yours just lit up the house".

She just hit him in the head lovingly and wondered when was the last time he had told her that. well not in a really long time. She wondered what was it about darkness that made us realise the beauty in the small offings of life.Appreciating the little things that bring a smile to us.She wondered if darkness really was the absence of light, absence of happiness, devoid of life for she had not felt this happy in a really long time, she had not felt this full of life with the best of brightness.Irony, she did not think so.

p.s : G thanks for the hint that i should try this topic!!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow !!!

2007-06-06T10:14:00.000+05:30

Tomorrow. The day symbolises eternity. Its a day of hope. A day we think everything in our planner could be accomplished.Yes,even if it was mission impossible.I often wonder what is it about tomorrow that fraughts us with so much of energy and enthusiasm and more than anything optimism and hope.Whatever we fail at today we are sure it would be fruitful tomorrow. Well does it really turn out to be truimphant is another story. But it is the feeling that we are debating.

Maybe its just one way of keeping abreast with life. A way of not succumbing to the many hurdles life imposes upon us on our every walk of life. What would life be without hope? how would we get up every morning if we thought "Darn yet another stupid bumpy day with nothing more than failures littered over my path". Well the day might turn out to be quite a shocker and end up surprising you but you might feel really low the whole day.

It is all in the head and of course in the heart. Its how you feel that determines your day other than our usual lady luck who it seems to me is playing hide and seek with all of us and is pretty damn good at it too.If we wake up feeling good about the day then maybe it will turn out to be a good day. Or even if things did not go our way our wave of optimism would still be high so that we are able to take it and move on.It might just help us make the necessary amends and put things right.

Life is all about hope. All about knowing that things will be better than what it is now. And tomorrow is the paradigm of hope because it seems so near , so close that you feel you can almost touch it,live it.Its the vicarious feeling that tomorrow gives us that fills us with hope.A better future , a better life,a one filled with fun and laughter,a one that every one of us dream of. Its just out there at the reach of a hand. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is how we feel.

Somehow this phrase i think sums it all. Tomorrow is a brand new day!!!

War of the Worlds

2007-05-26T14:09:00.000+05:30

Apocalypse would not have bothered her at that minute.It was the war that she was fighting that was worth everything.Coming to think of it she was never a great fighter. I mean the fight-till-your -last-breath really did not amuse her.What would you do if you fight till the last breath and end up losing it. Frankly not worth it is it? Quite a risk if you ask me.

This was different. This was no fight.It was war and even though she had lost innumerable times she had decided that she was not going to give up this time. Really was it innumerable? She tried counting.. 1.5.10.14.18... well not really innumerable lets just say the numbers were quite high that were embarrassing. OK if you guys insist so much on knowing ,well every time there has ever been a fight. Happy!!. Really she was quite the honest person.

She knew for a fact that this war could not be won on brawl. So she had to think and think fast and act even faster.It was time to prove her mettle. It was time to show the world that that her mind was a tiger on prowl. It was time to stop this dribble with words and actually do something like go to the next line. Just then it happened.She knew victory was hers if she played the cards carefully. Between their embroiled hands one of them had accidentally done it. "Isn't that your favourite actress" she said to her brother looking at the television screen The damsel was posing to the cameras in quite what shall we say a questionable outfit. His grip loosened for a split second. That was enough for her to act. It was hers. The TV remote was hers. She hugged it tight like the Oscar or something and one could almost hear her say "my precious".

She looked it her brother's shocked face, yeah the face that you have when u lose out on a war and told him "elementary my dear boy! elementary" and switched the channel from the soccer match to The Oprah Winfrey Show.

கண்ணீர் கண்ணீர்

2007-05-20T11:05:00.000+05:30

எதயும் தாங்கும் இதயம் என்று யார் சொன்னாளோ அவா அம்மாவை மனசுல வைத்து தான் சொல்லிர்கணும். நினைக்கும்போதே சுரேஷூக்கு மெய் சிலிர்த்தது..எவளோ கஷ்டம், எவளோ பாரம் . எல்லா கஷ்டமும் அவளுக்கே வந்தது போல இருந்தது

சமுதாயத்தின் மூடநம்பிக்கைக்கு இறையாகி,உலகம் தெரியாத சின்ன வயசுல மனம் முடித்துவைத்தார்கள் அவளுக்கு கொஞ்சம் கூட இஷ்டமில்லை ஆனால் ஒரு சொட்டு கண்ணீர் விட வில்லை அப்போது, என் பெரியம்மா சொல்லுவாள். பெருமாள் என்ன தான் கணக்கு போட றாரோ சுரேஷ் பிறந்து சில நாட்களிலேயே அவன் அப்பா தவறி விட்டார் .விதவை என்று பட்டம் சூட்டினார்கள். ஏக பட்ட கட்டுப்பாடுகள் போட்டார்கள்.எதயும் ஒரு பொருட்டாக மதிக்காமல் எவ்வளோவோ சின்ன சின்ன கைததொழில்கள் செய்து படிகவைத்தாள் சுரேஷை. அவனும் நிலமையை புரிந்துகொண்டு நன்றாகவே படித்தான். இப்போது கை நெறய சம்பாதித்தான் அவனது ஒரே கனவு அம்மா என்றுமே கஷ்டப்பட கூடாது என்பது தான் .அவள் எப்பொழுதுமே சிறித்துக்கொண்டே இருக்கவேண்டும் என்பது தான் .

ஆனால் யாராலையும் செய்ய முடியாததை இந்த அபியும் செல்வியும் செய்தார்கள் எப்போதும் இவர்களை கண்டு கண்ணீர் தான் .இந்த மெகா செரியல்களை முதல்ல அழிக்க வேண்டும் என்று நினைத்துகொண்டான் "அம்மா சாப்பாடு போடு" என்றான். "இரு டா, செல்வி சாப்பாடு ல விஷம் வெச்சு டா என்ன ஆகா போர்தோ" என்றாள். பிரமாதம் என்று நினைத்து கொண்டு சாதம் பரிமறிக்கொண்டான்.

p.s : My first tamil post. Please forgive any errors.And all my non-tamil reading junta kindly adjust. :-)

Pearls Of Friendship

2007-05-16T22:03:00.000+05:30

He was in quite a fix. She had nailed him. Looks like he was going to lose. God it felt bad losing to her.I mean how many games had he won. This was his game. His turf.People had lost to him in hordes and vowed never to play the game with him ever gain.He knew every rule of the game. He knew how to bend every rule of the game to to emerge as a winner. But here he was losing out to her.

He had to agree that she was good. Too good. She gave him a run for his money. In what was always touted to be a man's game she was beating him and she was beating him to shame.He had to agree she played with her mind and she calculated everyone one of her moves. He had underestimated her ,grossly.And now he was paying for it.

Oh but wait a minute, he had found a loophole. He had not been playing this game all along for losing to a woman did he? His friend Duriyodhan and Shakuni uncle 's influence was indeed not lost on him.There he had her cornered. There was no way she could win now. How he enjoyed her company. He was so glad that they had this beautiful friendship. The purity of it was what made him so proud.He respected her so much. She carried with her the aplomb of a queen and shared an amazing friendship with him. He respected friendship more than anything ,he had given up everything including the strong sense of morale that he had for his friend Duriyodhan.To him it was atop everything else. To him friendship was sacrament,above anything ,any god.It only made him feel happier that she ,the wife of his greatest friend was such a great friend to him herself.

He found her leaving the game. "Where are you going, afraid you are losing out?". he cried out, when she started moving away . "Ofcourse not, I just think this game is such a waste of my time ", she said twisting her lips in a way that cried out loud that she was unabashedly lying and was smiling about it too. "Well,not so fast" he said, stretching out his hand and tried to stop her. He did not quite realise what he did at that instant, in his anxious moment to stop her from moving away he caught the ornament that embellished her waist . Notwithstanding his sudden movement and the strength of it the ornament fell apart and the pearls that made up the ornament dropped to the ground . The sound echoed throughout the halls and it never seemed to end. If this was not shocking enough , his friend ,his alter ego walked in through the queens chambers at the same moment.

He was shattered. What had he done? How could he have committed such an act? He stood so low in his friend's eyes now. Duriyodhan who had given him respect in front of people's eyes , he who had changed him from a mere chariot rider's son to a king , he who trusted him with his life will now abhor him. He will disown him and rightfully so after what he had done. She was his friend and it was an involuntary moment to stop her, nothing more, but how would it have looked to the outside world, to his friend's eyes. He could not bear to imagine it.His whole world came crashing down . And so did hers when he shot a glance at her. She was mortified.It was written all over her face. He could understand her feelings , a women's feelings.

He then saw Duriyodhan's lips move. He thought he dint hear it right for a moment

" Shall I pick them up or braid them toghether"

The next moment he was embracing him. This he thought was friendship.THis he thought was worth giving up everything he had got. His mother, his brothers, his very own life.

p.s : I am pasting the quote in Tamil below. One of the most beautiful lines i have ever read. Its the translated version that u see above

சிதறிய முத்துக்களை எடுக்கவா கோர்க்கவா ?

"Sidhariya Mutthukalai Edukkava Korkkava"

p.s :Adapted from Mahabharata. One of the many millions of short stories found in Mahabharata.

Colour yourself

2007-05-13T18:22:00.000+05:30

Colours add spice to our life. Colours depict your mood. Colours even tell a little something about yourself. So what does this colour mean to you. Is it the culmination of all colours and hence the king of them all? Or is it the absence of everything ,a mere void? A symbol of nothingness.
What does it mean to YOU????? This colour.

Gods must be crazy!!!!

2007-05-06T20:40:00.000+05:30

So it was that time of the year again...I was waiting for my turn. Being one of the senior most i would be the first one to be called in. I had a thousand errands to run but still this kind of topped the list. Who am i kidding It would mean a good hike . If everything went well that is. Sacchu would be really happy.Okay here we go my turn came up.

Shiv : hey come on in. You anxious or what?

Me : (ahem only so much that the heavens might fall down) No not at all shiv.

Shiv : Its been a great year and I am really proud of your work, I must say

Me : (so bloated up that my head was ten times my body size) Thanks Shiv . That's great to hear.

Shiv : Some of your developments have proven to be really good. Customer satisfaction is pretty high too.

Me: (Is this for real wow man, I am on a roll,trying to act supremely normal and failing completely in that attempt ) That's wonderful

Shiv : However..

Me : (There it was. How can a meeting go on without a however, but ,inspite of and many more of these conjunctions. Conjunctions of doom I call them. Why does there have to be a however? It might be wise to mention the head size now. Well lets just say it was on its way becoming normal)

Yeah

Shiv : Its imperative for one to take upon a holistic perspective.

Me : (All I could think was blah blah blah!!! more manangement crap , holistic perspective my .. ok not really the time to tread down the swear path.)

Shiv : .... So I have to look at how well your personal objectives have blended with the organization's and what little extra you have brought to your work this time around.

Me : Little extra (what an oxymoron) I am sorry shiv I am losing you.

Shiv : Well what innovative or creative have u done this past year that would help me rate you a peg above the others .That's what i mean.

Me : What ? I mean how can that be the main yardstick . Where is the opportunity to do that shiv. ( Head by now quite the size of a bee )

Shiv : Instead of asking me why ? Ask yourself Why not?

Me :(What kind of a reply is that now.. and here I am shooing off the temptation to go down the swear path ) Ahem i am sorry what? (Yeah that sounded pitiable, quite pitiable)

Shiv :Well the thing is Brahma I can give you only a normal rating cause the work you have done is great but nothing really creative , new or extra for me to rate you higher.

Me :( anger boiling up like a kettle and had my little speech ready . Was going to give him a piece of my mind. )

Creative indeed. What am i supposed to do ?
Create babies with ten pairs of eyes, 4 pairs of hands and 2 pairs of legs, Give them 2 brains oh wait a minute one seems quite a waste . Hmm maybe i should recycle brains most dont use them anyways. Innovative really... Be ready people for some really different evolution this year..

Oh dont look like that I dint tell him ofcourse. Just removed the brackets so that I could make you think I did.Ahh come on dont judge me now , this was my only fun!!!

" Ok Lord shiva thanks."(Thanks now why didI say that.. well who am I kidding he is in charge of destruction you know)

Walking back from kailash to my home abode. Sarawasthi isn't going to be pleased. Well lets just hope her performance appraisal went better.

On reaching home

Me :Hey, Can i have a cup of coffee i have headaches in all my four heads.
Saraswathi :Yeah
Me : So what happened to your appraisal?
Saraswathi : Dont ask . They changed my domain . I have to learn electric guitar now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s :Totally fictitious. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is accidental
( only because it might resemble a zillion people)

Selfless deed anyone?

2007-04-26T00:50:00.000+05:30

"Believing or teaching that the chief motives of human action are derived from love of self."

Are you thinking of what this defines ? No i am not one of those quiz masters or anyone who wants to play guessing games with you. "Still not figured it out? Ahh!! okay here s another clue..." none of those things. Frankly i find it really insulting. Well they know you don't know and still go on asking you to figure it out. Why should my ignorance feed another person's ego huh!!! Okay i guess i have evaded the definition for 4 lines so much for i- am- no- quiz master. The sentence above defines SELFISH.

Honestly did you think that this idea was bad until you came to know that this was the meaning of selfish? Did your face make all geometrical angles and did you go all like " good heavens , that is so bad" when u read that sentence?If you did not then the reason I reckon is because its true.If you are asking " Are u suggesting miss that we are selfish?" then again "yes, I am.". The degree of right and wrong of any idea to a great extent belongs to the self.But you never really know what the person is thinking ,primarily because he is afraid of what the world might think of him. This is perfectly true in all of us. You don't want to look like the only geek who believes in some theory which the entire world thinks is hideous.

Why is it so? Why are we all selfish? There is really no explanation for why it is ,cause it is inane. Can we point out one action of us that is not derived from the love of self? Everything you do has you involved in it . You have a role to play in the result. You are a variable in the equation whether you like it or not.Every selfless deed we think we are doing is in fact in a small way selfish.We want to make a difference. WE want to break away from the shackles of mundane life where we are of no help to anybody. WE want to bring a smile to people's lives. WE want to contribute a little something that we can to the rest of the world. That is laudable but is not quite selfless. The reason being at the end of the day it makes you happy. You decide to do something that will help YOU get out of a certain kind of lifestyle and help you get some peace. Now why is this wrong?? It is not. Simply because it is derived form the love of self? So what of it did? You did end up bringing a smile to other people's lives. You did try and make lives of not so privileged people better.

We might argue that deeds by our national and international heroes are selfless? But is it really? When Mahatma Gandhi decided to wear just a dhoti because he could not see his countrymen in poverty , he did something he believed in. It coincided with his thoughts and beliefs.
Being Selfless does not have to be the virtue or the reason why people like him are great souls. It is because of their principles and the fact that they were courageous enough to go to any extents to do what they believed in.That makes them great.

So what is being selfish then? Where do you demarcate the line where it falls in to being downright horrible? I think that is where you are living in self concocted world thinking every action even if it does not benefit you should not benefit anyone else more than you. That is selfish in a bad connotation or lets say in the real sense of the word that we believe in. So that's more of what you don't want others to have than what you want for yourself. This contradicts what we think being selfish is all about and in a weird way says that anything that is really not good for you is maybe not good at all.

Many times we ask ourselves are we being too self centered? And sometimes the answer might be a YES.This yes does not have to mean we are some kind of a monster who is overflowing with ego. It just means we are normal. As long as our sole objective in life is to be happy i don't think there is anything wrong in being selfish .It is only going to take us a step forward in our journey towards happiness. By being selfish , by wanting things that make you feel happy in a wholesome way, a way that does not involve tripping the other person from the race, a way that makes you feel happy when you go to sleep every night, a way that makes you remember the face of the kid with whom you spent the day in the orphanage and realise that you just tasted heaven.If that action was derived from love of self, is it really so bad?

So selfless deed anyone??

Mortal Kombat!!!!

2007-04-15T23:00:00.000+05:30

That's it . It was going to be over. These were my last few moments. My tension knew no bounds. It was so high up that Mount Everest seemed like an ant.This was THE END. I knew it like you know when India is going to lose a match. It is like God is looking down at you, smiling, more of a smirk I would call it and telling you , "That's it my boy, your pretty much useless existence ends here, you better come up". I mean whats with that huh. Useless Existence. Well I couldn't really contradict him for 2 reasons
1. He is God( come on the man is omniscient I wouldn't want to mess with him)
2. There wasn't much I could really contradict about. The premise seemed pretty true.
The guy had a point you know.It all came down to these few moments. If I could finish this task before the time ran out I could survive. It was a question of life and death.

Okay don't panic , I told myself. Not panic, mother of sweet god, how was I supposed to do that.Did anyone realise how important this was? Okay one pointer no one ever realises how important something is for YOU.You do it yourself actually.There was no way I am getting out alive if I screw this up. The clock was ticking,tick tock tick tock tick tock, okay calm down,everyone knows how a clock ticks, you really dont have to explain that. Its unbelievable how stupid your brain thinks when you are caught in a quagmire of a situation. Okay, agreed ,I am no Einstein reincarnated but what's with all the doltish brainwaves you get when you are having a near death experince.I actually remembered the verse of the song I had been brooding over for the past 2 days at this moment. "This", I tell my brain "This you can come up with , but you cant think of a way to solve the problem at hand". Really I am some creation .No wonder the almighty wants me up there so soon. Useless Existence. That really does haunt me. Never knew i was quite the sensitive kind.Ah!! the lessons life teaches you about yourself!!!

But do I let these hurdles prevent me from thwarting the impending disaster. No I went on and on determined to do everything I could to finish the task at hand, determined to escape the clutches of the really ugly end that was staring at me.Believe me it was ugly.I could see it in my head. I gave it my best shot, I am quite sure that i defied all laws of physics, I wrote faster than light travelled.Don't believe me?? How else do you think i finished my last essay question of my board exam in 2 mins. Yeah!!! you heard me, 2 minutes,120 seconds.The time difference between my last full stop and the pretty invigilator's hand snatching away my paper was near zero. My life was saved.I could have danced with the invilgilator a la aamir khan. I was ecstatic. Over the moon you could call it. I could see God looking down and smiling ,no not a smirk it was definitely a smile and it was like he told me
" Don't be so happy, you have 5 more papers to go!!!! "

Door Of Disorder

2007-04-02T03:32:00.000+05:30

She was sitting there contemplating what to do. There it was staring at her and she had to do something about it. It cant be just there in the way that it was. Something had to be done and no one else was going to do it. They had all established it.When it came to all the dirty work they just assumed she would do it.Oh well she could not blame them really, she did do them.

She was crossing her fingers and was preparing for the inevitable.What was she waiting for? A miracle? For someone to walk through the door and help her . Yeah right like that was going to happen.The chances of that happening was as small as bush having a brain . Its amazing how you know when the probability of something happening is an absolute zero but still your heart keeps expecting that to happen. She kept looking at the door to see if someone would come. All these sales people can never disturb you at a time you want to be disturbed.Only when u are catching your beauty sleep or watching an interesting show in TV would your calling bell howl and your telephone will fulfill its part. She would not even mind the people from the banks who massacre her name and literally beg her to take a credit card or a personal loan.It quite amused her as to how these people were hell bent on drowning her in debt.But even putting up with these things seemed like heaven when compared to the herculean task ahead of her.

Why god ?Why ? Why me ?Why this work? She could do anything else but this.The very thought of having to do this again in just a week was overwhelming for her. And she postponed it to such an extent that the work was now humungous .Who ever said “Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.” must have been in her position when they said it.Okay she told her. The time had come. She had to do it. She just had to get it done with it.She had to win over it again. Will this be the last time? Well she desperately hoped so. Here comes the moment of truth.

"Oh stop being such a chicken open the door", she told herself.With a huge sigh and great fear she opened the door of her daughter's wardrobe . Out fell all the clothes almost drowning her with the sheer volume. Yeah her biggest and scariest nightmare was true now. She had to arrange them neatly again only for it to go back to the same disarray within a week. So there she was trying to comprehend the magnitude of the disaster and working out a strategy to put it in order .First she had to disentangle her legs from the various clothing materials and avoid hurting herself.She was convinced rocket science was an easier job.Whilst she was doing it , the phone rang. Her heart skipped a beat. She answered the phone "Madam i am calling from 'always-calling-people-and-disturbing -them-to-get-a-loan- bank, are you interested in a personal loan?"
"hmmm... can you explain the plan in detail " She said not believing her stroke of good luck.
Then went the calling bell. She answered it only to find that her daughter was back home.This is what she called double treat .She dint say a word and went back to the telephone, finished a long conversation finally ending it with "what?????? you need an income proof , sorry I am a house wife" .She loved to hear their shocked reactions.She slowly went to her daughter's room.

And there she saw her daughter sitting there contemplating what to do. She was crossing her fingers and was preparing for the inevitable.
"Ahh Praise the Lord", She told her self and went on with her chores.Now what was that show she wanted to see today.....

Choose the right??? Answer!!!

2007-03-26T18:44:00.000+05:30

"That's not you, why did u do that?"
How many times have we asked ourselves this question? I guess we don't really keep track of such numbers.But you know that you have asked this to yourself countless times.And you see all these films and TV shows that constantly reiterate that you should not be afraid to be what you are, embrace who you are and be proud of it.I must say i cant agree more on this. But it makes you wonder though.

How do u define yourself? How do u know who you are?

Its definitely not a perfectly established concept. I mean today you are not what you were ten years back and by all probabilities you are not going to be what you are today ten years down the line.So who are you? What defines you? I am not trying to answer this question. No way . I am as muddled as a s/w engineer trying to solve a code that was written by a guy 10 years ago with variables like "will-my-code-work".

We start by being clones of our parents thinking like them,believing what they believe in, until we are no longer pampered and thrown out of laps and told to think for ourselves. Then we are suddenly out there in the world trying to figure out what we want, who we are,with very little success i might add.Well having said that certain things do define you .Like say your tastes ,your likes and dislikes. I mean that's genuine unless you are trying to impress the guy/gal u like saying you are a die hard fan of mandolin srinivas when u don't even know that a mandolin is a stringed instrument.!!! So yeah your preferences define you.

And maybe the most important of all . Your choices.
I quote Rowling here "It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"
And when you think about it , it makes a lot of sense.At every stage of life you make choices. Think about the time you made a choice to give the one final lollipop you had to your best friend in LKG. Think about the times in school when u stood up to your friends and fought for them and made a zillion enemies. Think about the times when you chose friends and stuck with them through thick and thin. Think about all the choices that you have made because you thought people were more important, relationships were more important.All those moments define you. The one tiny moment in the traffic signal when u are torn between paying the skinny lady with an undernourished kid a dime or just shooing her away defines you.Whether u end up paying her or not,it defines a small quality about you.

Making choices is the most difficult thing simply because its always a multiple choice question with the option d being "thousand other things which we cannot accommodate in that brain of yours".And the answer key never has a right or a wrong.You grow with your choices. Good or bad. Of course we make poor choices ,poor decisions ,pathetic decisions that when you think back you wonder how on god's name you made that one. But you did and you learnt from it. That's you.

At every point in our life right from everyday decisions to life altering ones we are all at life's crossroads trying hard to make a decision. To make a choice. The reason it maybe so hard to make a choice is because every choice is YOU.Defines you.It screams out aloud to the world about the person that you are. And figuring out who you are is probably the largest and biggest conundrum life ever imposed on us.Will we ever be able to figure it out? should we figure it out? Well i don't think so cause everyone of your choices is an answer in itself, a smaller piece of a larger jigsaw.And you play the jigsaw for as long as you live and boy its one hell of a game!!!

btw on a totally related note.. here is another way to define you. Your choice to make a difference.
http://www.smile.org.in/asp/common/smileMain.asp

AHAM SARVAM

2007-03-13T13:37:00.000+05:30

Finally he had finished it.The theory he had been working on for such a long time.He had grown up believing it.His whole childhood came flooding back to him. He had always loved school. When the other kids were out playing ball he was engrossed in math and physics. He loved them, he loved solving problems. He loved finding solutions. He felt he owed it to the world to decipher the unexplainable.How can there be no answers? Everything had to have an answer doesn't it?

She agreed. "Yes",she told him.

The lack of answers to certain conundrums of life bothered him. When something occured without a plausible logical explanation he found everyone else attributing it to destiny,fate or worse GOD.He found that blasphemous.He was not going to be satisfied with these answers .He would find rational answers.Yes all of them. And he is going to prove to the world that nothing is inexplicable,that there was no supreme power. He took that upon him to bless the world with answers the entire human race has been waiting for.

She smiled at him. She urged him to proceed.

There he was now after all the long toiling years finally with this theory.There were chances people would write him off calling him just another agnostic, an atheist, another one of these addled brainy morons who just couldn't sleep without having answers for everything. Everything needed to be a mathematical equation with variables and constants and of course a perfect logical solution.Well he couldn't totally disagree with them. That was who he was. He had always been like that. He believed in answers.

She told him he was right. He was what he was .Just like everyone else was. And told him that he should be proud of it.

He sometimes wondered how she always seemed to know the right thing and how she always gave him hope .Hope to carry on with his life.This confused him.Who was she? He never remembered himself without her.She had always been there ,guiding him,helped him figure out right from wrong,never letting him give up. During times of distress all he had to do was close his eyes. She had a quality that calmed him down.He always felt better after a few moments with her.Now this puzzled him. He wanted answers dint he? Who was she? He closed his eyes again waiting for her to tell him . And she gave him the answers.

He opened his eyes. He needed a moment to accept what had just happened. He moved slowly to his desk and burnt up all his research papers.He now believed that there was a supreme force that governed them all. He now believed in GOD. How could he not? She was within him just like she was within every single human being.He could not tell people that there was no GOD for then he would be telling them that they themselves did not exist.He would be telling them not to believe in themselves.It was all clear to him now.It was no paradox ,it was real.He had the answers he had been looking for all his life.And he found it in the one place he never looked. HIMSELF.

TRIUMPH OVER TIME....

2007-02-26T14:18:00.000+05:30

There he was watching them all .Racing against time.Always in a hurry.Always running.Some people racing to catch the bus.Some speeding in their bikes.Some in auto rickshaws constantly looking at their watches as if that's going to make time any slower.Everyone running in the race for time hoping they win over it this time.

He had seen so many of them chilling out in the very same place.They were with people they love,their friends.their parents,their children.They used to just enjoy a nice evening.Just talking,relaxing and spending time with their near and dear ones.They were SPENDING time not saving it.How long had it been since he last saw someone spend time with someone they love here?Its seemed like eons had passed since then."Has it been that long ", he wondered.Not by his standards.

What had come over these people?How did they forget the happy times they had when they spent time with people they loved? Dont they miss that?Is he the only one who misses those moments? Why have they fallen prey to this fast life? Why have they succumbed willingly to this monster which sucks out every living moment out of them? What does it leave them with? Money? "Yeah maybe" he thought.And what price did they pay for that.TIME.
Time with people who matter the most to them.He often wondered if people actually realised this.Because if they did he could not fathom why they would continue to live like this. .

He just wished he could turn back time.He yearned to have all his friends standing next to him All those years he had been happy,20 great years, very small age for his kind.All those years came back flooding to him as the axe was in his trunk.Yes, they had come to pull him down like they did to all his other friends.He guessed there was a highway coming.And he proved to be a discomfort.Or some other stupid reason.But he cared less.He wasn't going to ramble on about how ungrateful humans were.He wasn't going to try and remind them of all the wonderful times they had had picnicking beneath him and his other friends.He could still hear their laughter and merriment amidst the rustling of his leaves.He was happy ,happy that he had been a part of that life.A life where people were important,where time was a luxury. He wanted to be happy when he fell.

There he was watching them all .Racing against time.Always in a hurry.Always running.
Before he fell he just hoped that if he was reborn he would want to be in a world where people cared more about their loved ones and less about the invincible TIME.He hoped that they would realise that time will always be running out.He hoped that instead of trying to chase it, they just relished every little moment of it.Because then they become the masters of time.Because then when it actually does run out they don't feel lost but feel as though they conquered it.He just hoped that when they fell they felt like him.No remorse.No regrets.Happy to have lived among good people ,great friends,people who loved being with them.He just hoped they felt like he felt now. COMPLETE.

RESPLENDENT DARKNESS

2007-02-19T14:26:00.000+05:30

His fingers played on the piano .It seemed effortless for him to play on.It always was when he wrote a song thinking about her.He never felt like he was writing a song.It was like speaking to her,looking at her serene face."Beautiful" did not do any justice to her.Words could never describe her.She was one of those that literature could not comprehend.That's why there has not been a word yet to describe her.

To him she was the sparkle that he saw in the moon on a full moon day,the tranquility he felt around the mountains, the radiance of the early morning sunrise,the enchanting sunset,the picturesque rainbow,the first drops of rain,the morning dew.Did they appear less desirable when she was next to them?Or was it because of her that they looked enchanting.He never knew.

There was a quality about that face.It made him forget his sorrows ,his grief,his sufferings,his fear and filled him with happiness.Happiness that knew no bounds.He had lost much but he had her.And that seemed to have more than made up for his loss.Nothing was amiss when he looked at that face.His problems seemed inconsequential before that bewitching smile of hers.He never felt deficient of anything when he thought of her.He felt he could conquer all of his sorrows.He had everything.He felt complete.

And this song was for her.Like all his previous songs had been for the past ten years.She was the melody in his songs,the emotions of his songs.She was the soul of his songs. She was present in every one of his notes..the high.. the low.. every single one of them.

He heard the door knob turn.yes it was her..he knew it. he always felt her presence.It felt like MAGIC.It always did.She had come to take him for dinner. Slowly he moved and picked up his guide. She took his hand and led him out of the room. He knew she was looking at him. He never worried about not being able to see the world again.The full moon ,the mountains, the sunrise,the sunset,the rainbow,the first drops of rain,the morning dew.Everything he loved seeing.He saw them all . In her face. He could always see her face.God might have taken away his sight,but he could never take her vision away.No one could ever.It was etched in his memory.Forever and ever.He walked with her humming his song.

"Its beautiful" she said.
"Not even remotely close to you,not in a million years",he said.
His world was never dark.How could it be? When she brought in all the radiance.

p.s:It not about what we don't have,Its always about what we do have.

2007-02-14T23:15:00.000+05:30

What? You are not an engineer???????

Source code,Debug,Build,Test,MSEXCEL,Cut,Copy,Paste.

Sounds familiar.Could be lives for many.Who else but the famed s/w engineer.The profession is more a status symbol these days.Its as though other jobs dint exist or they simply are not worth it.

Lady1: So how did your son fare in 12th?

Lady2: Oh not very high only 1165/1200.Lost some marks in language u know.

Lady1: Oh too bad.My son scored 1189.He will get in to the top engineering colleges for sure.

Lady2: Oh that's gr8.My son too might get in the next level colleges.Heard Raaji's son got only 1140.And apparently wants to do some interior designing course.(with disgust written all over her face as though interior designers were untouchables)

Lady1:What?What is that? i have never heard of that before.I am sure that boy is not very bright u know.Maybe his scores are so low that he will never an admit to a engineering college(yeah right.like that's a problem ,we have engineering colleges in every street corner now)

Heard that before? Well of course u have.We are churning out engineers in such gigantic numbers that in the near future everyone will be a engineer.

hi , i am vidhya.I am an artist but studied engineering.
I am vinod.Working as a chef in a five star hotel.I have an engineering degree though.
I am oh forget the name, an ad film maker..engineer again.
Hi, i have my own tea shop near a s/w company.Did i mention i am engineer too??

Engineering would almost become like an addition to school.We will have LK.G,U.K.G ,1 std ...12th std( u really thought ill count till 12 dint ya.. well i am a shocker)then 4 years of undergrad.We might soon have engineering schools offering discount.Year end sale.Grab a seat for half the price. Aadi thallupadi oru seat vangina oru seat freeeeeeee.The biggest discount you will get is choosing your stream.Full freedom to do that.Come on we are a free land.Largest democracy aren't we?

We have this great phobia towards venturing into untested waters.Yes we are too scared to delve in to unknown territory.How many of us know people who are doing diverse and exciting things.Would not be more than the fingers in your one hand.And even if u do,they sure must have had a tough time explaining their decision not to do engineering to every tom,dick and harry.

So our simple logic.Do what everyone around u is doing.Finish 12th.Do engineering.Get in to a s/w firm through campus.Think u have moved the mountains.Get bloated with pride all throught your final year.join work.Oh wait a minute did someone just prick u with a pin.Yeah wake up to reality and go around screaming from rooftops that ur work doesn't excite you. Then u think that everyone around u is doing the same."so what? that's wat everyone's doing" and you go on with your life.

But honestly would u not love being someone else.Don't we all fantasize doing something else with our lives, where a job is not a job because it gives u the much needed and the most misunderstood synonym of success,money,but because u would love getting up in the morning and saying.."yeah baby i am going to work".

Ask me ,would i chuck my job and do what i really want to do.NO.why? honestly i don't know what i really want to do.And i know many people who would fall in to my category.But do i want to do that? yes very badly.So what do i do?well methinks explore yourself.You think u have a vocation that you would like to pursue,go ahead and do it. Stop spending all your 14 hours in that cubicle of yours not to mention all the saturdays and sundays. Go out spend some time for yourself.Maybe it will hit u one fine day and u can be what u really like being.If it doesnt
its really allright.Because u did what u wanted to do,what made u happy,what did not make u feel like "my life is one hell of a bore, the same work,same people,same stupid comp and sometimes even the same wallpaper".Yes that's a great indication of a bored life.Same wallpaper!!!

" Finding happiness is like finding yourself. You don't find happiness, you make happiness. You choose happiness. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and paving the way to happiness by doing what brings YOU the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run. "---from net

Makes a lot of sense does it not???

2007-02-11T18:10:00.000+05:30

So finally i saw GURU.The much awaited release of the year.Of course it is considering its mani ratnam.I think the man's a genius.Anyone who makes films like nayagan, roja or even the simple but evergreen mouna ragam is a genius.So yeah i did go with a lot of expectations.And well the verdict.It was good hmm but not gr8.I guess thts the problem with a mani ratnam or a kamal hassan film. we just expect them to churn out the most inspiring films and want to feel goosebumps throughout the film.
Guru is inspiring,in parts.Its great to see tht this small time village boy has so much grit in him and so much confidence in himself.He believes he can win anyone and simply doesn't give up.That is just awesome.And the best part was he is not portrayed as this ideal person who overflows with good persona.Nope he is an average guy who wants to make it big and puts himself first,a very real characterization.

The pluses well there's abishek (before all u guys go "oh so whats new,another girl crooning over abi").Well yeah u are right abt the crooning part;-).But i really think he was awesome.It dint seem like he was acting.He was Gurukanth desai.Right from the first to the last frame.This is definetely his BEST performance so far.Esp after dhoom2 which was one hell of a debacle.I mean what was the deal with his expression?Why did he had to look like tht throught the film??Maybe it was because of ash and hrithik?If tht was the case then i can empathize with him.Hrithik was down right HOT and delicious.Poor abi.but all tht's over and done with.Gurukanth Desai was mind blowing.Seriously.

A.R.Rahman,i just dont have words for this man.I often go for a toss wondering who is better,arr or illayaraja.It changes alternatively,when i listen to an 80's classic from illayaraja its him all the way.I am like wow, what music.And then arr comes out with a gr8 album like guru and bamm its arr who's the best.The background music is simply awesome.Think of all the superlatives u can for good great amazing and thats how the background score is.The jaage song is unbelievable.If not for anything see the film for the music.Thts the primary reason u do get goosebumps.

minus .. hmmm well it is a little slow .And its not filled with incidents or actions tht make u sit up.Even the scene where he dumps his goods in the IAS officer house ,you are reminded of the scene in nayagan and this seems not so gr8.The ending was especially a let down.I mean yeah his talk was good and everything and he did explain his stand.But not a gr8 message was it? I mean i had to do it because u have to break rules to get to top in this country.Somehow i couldn accept it.Its a personal choice.And comparing his situation to Gandhi was too much come on what was that abt???

On the whole a must watch movie.y?
a.Mani ratnam(its like Charles dickens,every1 buys one intending to read it) so u gotta see it.
Becomes an ego issue.U have to face questions like "u dint see guru yet??? and if u are a movie buff like i am believe me it hurts!!!
b.ARR
c.Abi
d.Rajeev menon

2007-02-10T23:04:00.000+05:30

Music is what feelings sound like

Its been almost a year now since tht last blog..well my first one too hehe...so i keep wondering y i dint post anything else after tht... well i got busy u know my job(yawn!!! )...seriously i dont know .. i guess i always wanted to blog, then one fine day i did and just vanished ... well i am back now...and determined to stay and trouble ppl with my posts...(yup i do make ppl read them at gun point)

After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Is that not so true??what is it abt music tht makes everyone love it... i mean there 's no one who can say they don't like music...something abt it .. the mystical quality tht its got... it makes u laugh ,cry,inspires u and evokes a flurry of emotions tht nothing else ever can...well i am a music maniac too ... and a trained one... like in every other tamil brahmin household i was sent to learn music and dance( yeah right!!! and that's best forgotten). i used to hate having to get ready for my class.plain lazy that is.But then once i was there and started my lessons it was amazing how i could get so wrapped up in it and forget all abt myself and the ppl around and just enjoy it .. not many things in life tht make u feel tht way...

The problem is we always think we are okay but not gr8 ...so what ?? so what if u dint bag the first prizes always in school or college competitions?? so what if u don't sound like a lata mangeshkar who can reach the highest of chords(man tht is awesome!!!)?? There s beauty in everything.. we just need an open mind and oodles of confidence...Its always a little talent with enormous amount of training and and sheer confidence tht makes u good...everyone learns don't they?? well come on who thought simran could act really act..she was quite a shocker in kannathil muthamittal...

well yeah most of us have a problem accepting us for what we are.. we always think the other person is better... and experiences teach us otherwise... actually we are quite awesome ourselves.. we just dont know it YET...

And i write this blog on the day me and my five colleagues from office have released a music album(yeah baby!!!!!!!) called aruwi for the social organization aruwi.Its a place for destitute children and old people...Its our little contribution to the org and a lot of pride tht my name s on a record!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yipeeeeeeeeeee.. .nothing beats tht.. and all of u out there if u know me go right ahead and buy it ..did i mention gun point????

2006-04-25T15:12:00.000+05:30

Are not dreams just wonderful?.Its the vicarious feeling that makes it so enigmatic.It makes you go through all the various emotions sometimes in a span of just minutes. Some of them make sense some of them are totally out of line and sometimes makes us wonder if we have completely lost it!!!(believe me thats happened to me so many times).Some of them are just down right hideous while some of them are just hilarious with a capital H (once i got up in sleep and started acting like i was writing an exam and asked my mom for extra paper!!!!).

However some dreams are a few inches close to reality.Those are the rainbows that we can infact catch.They are those which tell you what u really want.Its those dreams that we should may be pursue but are just too skeptical to.Many a time our heart gives us the right answer when our head is still searching for various other possibilities.The sheer spontaineity with with the answer hits you surprises u,infact makes u wonder if infact it is the right thing to do.At the end it turns out to be the best decision u could have ever dreamt of.But y are we so reluctant to follow our heart? Most of us are. I for one sure am. But why? i have asked this question a million times to myself.

Its maybe the agnostic within us.The skepticism that we have towards doing anything aberrant.I think its the fact that we are not able to logically deduce a particular solution is what scares us.Its just that we wouldn be able to explain how this particular solution came up.But those who have the guts to just follow their heart ultimately realize that it was not a futile attempt after all.

Maybe in life we do not always have answers.Why should we be able to answer anything and everything.Cant there be a few things for which there need not be answers?Cant some situations obviate reasoning? Cant we sometimes just do what our heart tells us to do,without worrying a million times abt whether we made the right decision?Well i know its not always true but the point is IT very well could be sometimes.Yes there will be mistakes but so what? Even the most thought after plan goes straight to the pits sometimes doesnt it?

I know there are always two sides to a coin.And this theory is no exeption too. When we think we should listen to our heart it doesnt mean do the craziest of stuff it tells u.Yes it does tell u the most crazy things(stuff i am sure is best kept to ourselves).It doesn mean u can punch the guy who is just talking nonsense in a meeting while u could be
doing a host of unimportant things yourself(so what!!).It does not mean you tell some one "you look like a jerk" even though they wear a pink kurta and a red duppata(now what is that?).It does not mean you tell ppl what u really think of them (unless u really love trouble) and it sure as hell does not mean u tell ppl " you are putting on weight" (well this one's because i have been putting on a lot of weight and boy !! that one really hurts).

i guess what i am really trying to say is that sometimes we should let hear rule the mind and follow the lightening fast answers.It might not all be chimerical all the time.Everything need not have an answer.Everthing does not need to be logically deductible.Isnt it mind boggling that something in us ,a part of the unsophisticated US is able to provide us the perfect solution within seconds when another trained part of us is trying so hard to work out a solution. Why are we against ourselves sometimes? Why does it take so much for us to believe us ? Irony....yes thats what i think it is .